The worst parent meeting EVER!!

Yesterday was perhaps the worst parent meeting I have ever had in my short 3 years of teaching.

I'd like a complete outsiders look into this from you to let me know "Was I wrong?"

Last week after break/recess time, a little girl complained of a little boy kicking and pinching her at break time.  I took both children at seperate times to question the incidence.  The little girl gave me a long story of what happened.  The little boy said nothing, so I assumed he was the cause and the story was true.  Told both children if they can't play nice, then they should not play together at all.  A little while later 2 kids in the class complained of the same little boy teasing them and taking there stationery so I told him to stop and it's not a game if the other person doesn't like it.  Again, after the kids had had sport time, a little boy from another class complained about the same boy fighting.  I had heard this little boy's name now on 4 different occasions and felt a letter home would do the trick.  I wrote a letter home informing the parents briefly of the incidences and asked if they could have a little chat with him regarding his behaviour.  Thats it, no funny business, just a chat.

The next day the mom approached me and said I dealt with the issue wrongly and blamed her son without being fair and giving the other children a bad news letter.  I told her, each little incident was small, so it was not to give the other children a letter as none of the incidences were really that serious, but because it was more than one child who complained about her son, I gave him a letter home.  She told me he had bruises from when the little girl had actually kicked him and that I should have a look.  She said lets forget it, leave it and that I must ignore the rude letter that her husband had left for me in his homework book. 

When I had a look in the homework book, the letter was extremely rude telling me I am a very unfair teacher and that we need to discuss it face to face.  I left a very short response, because the mom had said to leave it, but I felt just to confirm a little bit that I was not unfair, I wrote: "I understand your son is not the only one involved and have spoken to all the children regarding the matter.  He is an instigator in most of the cases and it needs to be dealt with."

Boy oh boy will I never use the word instigate ever ever again.  The next day I received a letter back that had also been "forwarded" to his lawyer.  It stated that I am the most incompetent teacher he had ever known and I do not exercise fairness at all.  If it need be, he will take this further and sue me for calling his son an instigator.  I'm also a terrible person for not checking the bruise on his leg from where he was kicked.  He said we need to have a meeting where he can blow off steam and deal with the matter.  I agreed to the meeting.

I never checked the bruise because all boys have bruises on their legs and how can I just assume it came from the little girl who never gives any trouble in class.  He could have got the bruise anywhere.  Was I wrong in not looking at the bruise?  I really didn't think it necessary because it was not such a big deal and by the end of that day, the two were buddies again.

Anyway, so I'm deeply hurt by this letter and I take it first to my HOD (Head of Dept) and then the principal.  Both agreed I was not wrong in any of my wording in the letter.  The HOD agreed to sit in in the meeting and principal said if it's not resolved in the meeting, he will take the matter over.

Okay, so meeting day arrives and the father walks in with hardly a grunt of a greeting.  He says let the wife do all the talking otherwise he will blow his top.  The mother explained that i was wrong in replying back after she had said ignore it and that "instigator" was very harsh and rude to call her son that.  The dad couldn't hold it in any longer and blew his top.  He stood up, wagging his finger in my face, shouting the odds at me.  He said he had called the Education Dept and his lawyers and what I said was completely wrong and that he could take it further.  I'm not fit to be his son's teacher and I'm useless.  The mom was shouting for him to calm down.  He exclaimed that he is a very serious person and when it comes to his kids he will go to the highest places to resolve the matter when he knows he is right.  He even threatened to take it on to the radio to give the school a bad name.  My HOD stood up and said to him to please stop talking as she will not have him talk to a teacher like that and that she is goin to call the principal as it is evident we will not resolve it.  He calmed down and said it was not necessary.  By the end of the meeting he had calmed down a bit more and then said.  He will keep his son in my class if I can prove I am a fair person.  Frankly I would actually prefer his son to be moved so I don't have to deal with that father again.

Please tell me, was I wrong in replying a very short response and calling his son an instigator in situations after the mom said leave the letter? 

I have always dealt fairly in child conflict and many parents in the previous 2 years have commented on my fairness.  He made me feel like the worst teacher ever.  I just hope I don't have to deal with that ever again.  I'm never using the word "instigator" ever again.

Regards,

Jenna (the most unfair teacher ever) from South Africa.